Humanist Thought of the Week

Take it One Step at a Time

It is easy to feel overwhelmed. 

Having too much to do and keep track of.

I don’t know about you but as I’ve gotten older, my ability to remember things has decreased.

I rely on lists.

The nice things about list is that no matter how long my list is, it allows me to focus on one thing at a time.

When I get that done, I cross it off my list and move on to the next thing.

Taking a large task and breaking it up into smaller steps allows you to create order out of chaos.

You may have to change it, but you at least know in what order things need to happen.

It helps you regain control, because now you have a plan.  

It's Ok to Be You

I was asked to give romance advice to the quirky and weird among us. 

My advice? Whoever you are, and however quirky you are, be you.

Here’s why.

The sooner your dates get to know the real you, the sooner they can decide whether they can handle the real you or not.

Hiding who you are to please someone else not only wastes time, it prevents the people who would like the real you from realizing it. 

I’m not saying don’t try to make a good impression. Obviously, you should.

But don’t hide the things that bring you joy and the things you love.

Be as geeky and weird as you want.

The quirky and weird will find that attractive. 

And those that don’t, weren’t right for you anyway. 

Don't Fear Chaos

Uncertainty is unnerving.  

No matter how in control you feel, the reality is that underlying the universe we experience is chaos. 

And that chaos interrupts our lives all the time.

So we can never be certain. 

I liken this to skiing.

For me, skiing is the art of allowing yourself to be out of control. 

You are sliding on snow. Sliding!!!! 

And you can’t just put your foot down and stop, like you can when you are walking.

The first time I went skiing I was going so fast and I felt like I was totally out of control.

What you learn skiing is to be ok with the lack of control and to exert control over the slide where you can. 

You don’t have to be in control of everything and trying to will cause you to fail.

Relax. Don’t fear the chaos.

Accept it and exercise control where you can and you will probably get to the end of the run in fairly good shape and may even have a little fun on the way down.

Aspirational Humility

Humility is an important life skill.

It helps you acknowledge and recognize when you make mistakes so you can fix them. 

It helps you get out of your own head long enough to pay attention to other people so that they will positively pay attention to you.

And, it helps you cope with the vast nothingness of existence. 

Whatever it is you are worried about right now, isn’t a big deal.

It may be to you in the moment.

But in the vastness of existence, it doesn’t matter. Because at some point this problem will be over.

At some point you will cease to exist.

And if there are any people around capable of reflective thought 1 billion years from now, they probably won’t be reflecting on whatever problem you are dealing with right now.

That’s humility.

It provides perspective and helps you to not take things so seriously.

You should try it sometime. 

Persuasion

Persuasion is an art form.

Knowing how to talk other people into doing what you need them to do and agreeing with you, makes your life so much easier.

The reason most of us are bad at this, is that we are self-centered.

We want the person to do something for us.  

It’s all about us and our needs and our viewpoint.

If we could just get others to see the world as we do, they would understand.

Except that they don’t, because, they don’t see the world as we do. They see the world through their own eyes.

As soon as you understand this, you realize, the art of persuasion isn’t about getting the other person to agree with you.

It’s about you understanding what the other person needs and helping them to achieve their goal while simultaneously helping yourself. 

Wisdom is found in compassion. 

PS – I’m creating a course on how to win arguments by not actually arguing and it will eventually be available at Humanist Learning Systems.