Humanist Thought of the Week

Being Optimal

Being the person you know you should be

There are times I hate being a big bag of chemicals.

If I don’t eat right or don’t get enough sleep, I don’t function optimally.

And if I don’t function optimally, I’m not the wonderful loving, caring person I want to be.

Sometimes I just. can’t.

And yet, I still try.

Recognizing that I’m not at my best helps me warn those I love, so that they don’t take my crankiness personally.

It’s not them; it’s me, not being optimal.

I don’t use this as an excuse.  It’s more an apology and a reminder to myself to do and be better. 

The onus is on me to do what I need to do to help myself regain optimal functioning whether that be sleep or food or quiet alone time.

 Letting other people know what I need and what my limitations are in the moment, helps them to help me be the that good loving wonderful caring person I am, most of the time. 

There is No Way to Parent Perfectly

Parenting is hard.

You have this person, who is autonomous but who requires your time and attention, all the time!

If you don’t give it to them, they could die. Seriously – you need to feed your kids!

Sure, they occasionally snuggle and give you love back.

But mostly, it’s a one way give. You give, they take.

All this time and attention is exhausting.

Sure, my son may want a mom who will pay rapt attention to his repetitive ramblings about Minecraft for 3ish hours.

But my limit is about 15 minutes. And then my mine starts to ooze out of my ear.

And when my mind gets oozy, I get cranky. 

These are not my finest moments.

And you know what. My son seems to be ok with that.

He does love me after all. Even though I’m not perfect.

Humanistic Parenting

What does it mean to parent humanistically?

To me it means that I need to recognize my child as the autonomous human that he is.

It means interacting with him compassionately.

It means helping him learn how to find joy in the act of living and being alive. 

And it means helping him to understand and assume the responsibilities of being a member of the human family.

Because while we humans may be autonomous individuals, we are still social animals. 

There are other humans we interact with regularly and it helps us to make those interactions as good as possible.

We have to be responsible for our actions towards those other people. 

I teach him the responsibility of respect by modeling respect for him and through my interactions with him.

Does he appreciate the respect I show him?

Yes he does.  He’s one of the few kids in the neighborhood who isn’t spanked.

He tells me how grateful he is that I don’t discipline him with spanking all the time.

Does a Humanistic approach to parenting work?  Yes it does.

Patience and Impatience

According to the internet, patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Impatience is the lack of such capacity.

So, am I a patient person?

I don’t think I am but judging myself against this definition, perhaps I am more than I know. .

I don’t get upset stuck in traffic that often.

I rarely get upset when I have to wait in line.

I’m pretty good at just – being when the situation calls for it.

But there are other times when I have no patience.

Like, when I need to pee or when I need to eat.

Or when I’m waiting on my son or husband to collect their things to we can leave the house. 

I suppose it has to do with control.

If expressing impatience can make people move more quickly, I express it.

If I don’t think it can, I won’t.

Interesting that I feel way more comfortable expressing my impatience at my family members and that I rarely get impatient with complete strangers.

I suppose this is why I don’t think of myself as a very patient person.

Because when it comes to the people who actually matter to me, I’m not very patient.

I need to do better. And I also know that if I try and practice patience with them I will do better.

Wish me luck. 

Coming Down with a Case of the Stupids

It happens to us all.

No one is immune.

You can be the smartest person in the world and still act and think like an idiot at times.

I blame it on the brain.

It’s a big mass of ooey gooey stuff that is susceptible to chemicals ingested in the form of food, drinks and yes, drugs. 

Certain chemicals make us drowsy. Others make us antsy.

Some make us stupid.

So the next time you are acting all “holier than thou” because someone you don’t like was acting stupid, remember.  

There but for fortune, or the wrong bit of food go you or I and ... have a little compassion.