Humanist Thought of the Week

Being Optimal

Being the person you know you should be

There are times I hate being a big bag of chemicals.

If I don’t eat right or don’t get enough sleep, I don’t function optimally.

And if I don’t function optimally, I’m not the wonderful loving, caring person I want to be.

Sometimes I just. can’t.

And yet, I still try.

Recognizing that I’m not at my best helps me warn those I love, so that they don’t take my crankiness personally.

It’s not them; it’s me, not being optimal.

I don’t use this as an excuse.  It’s more an apology and a reminder to myself to do and be better. 

The onus is on me to do what I need to do to help myself regain optimal functioning whether that be sleep or food or quiet alone time.

 Letting other people know what I need and what my limitations are in the moment, helps them to help me be the that good loving wonderful caring person I am, most of the time. 

There is No Way to Parent Perfectly

Parenting is hard.

You have this person, who is autonomous but who requires your time and attention, all the time!

If you don’t give it to them, they could die. Seriously – you need to feed your kids!

Sure, they occasionally snuggle and give you love back.

But mostly, it’s a one way give. You give, they take.

All this time and attention is exhausting.

Sure, my son may want a mom who will pay rapt attention to his repetitive ramblings about Minecraft for 3ish hours.

But my limit is about 15 minutes. And then my mine starts to ooze out of my ear.

And when my mind gets oozy, I get cranky. 

These are not my finest moments.

And you know what. My son seems to be ok with that.

He does love me after all. Even though I’m not perfect.

Humanistic Self

Being a Humanist requires a certain amount of self-awareness.

If you aren’t willing to critically judge your own behavior, you have no way of improving.

Be aware that you aren’t perfect.

Reflect on how you might do and be better. 

Take constructive action to actually be better.

I find that having a sense of self-worth is made easier when I know that I matter because I regularly take action that matters to others. 

But the number 1 skill? Self-directed learning.

Without a willingness to learn how to be better, you won’t improve. 

My Mom

This past weekend was mother’s day.

My mom had a tremendous impact on me.

She taught me to be fearless.

How to take responsibility for my contribution to any argument.

How to be an activist and to advocate for what is right. 

And how to love unconditionally, even people I don’t necessarily agree with.

As a mom myself, I try to instill these same lessons in my son.

Am I succeeding?  I hope so.

My son is only 9 so he still has a lot of learning and living to do.

As hard as it is, I think being a mom is one of the most important things I have ever done.

So to all you fellow moms out there – thank you.

Thank you for being part of the sisterhood of moms which I get to share with and commiserate with and learn from. 

Patience and Impatience

According to the internet, patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Impatience is the lack of such capacity.

So, am I a patient person?

I don’t think I am but judging myself against this definition, perhaps I am more than I know. .

I don’t get upset stuck in traffic that often.

I rarely get upset when I have to wait in line.

I’m pretty good at just – being when the situation calls for it.

But there are other times when I have no patience.

Like, when I need to pee or when I need to eat.

Or when I’m waiting on my son or husband to collect their things to we can leave the house. 

I suppose it has to do with control.

If expressing impatience can make people move more quickly, I express it.

If I don’t think it can, I won’t.

Interesting that I feel way more comfortable expressing my impatience at my family members and that I rarely get impatient with complete strangers.

I suppose this is why I don’t think of myself as a very patient person.

Because when it comes to the people who actually matter to me, I’m not very patient.

I need to do better. And I also know that if I try and practice patience with them I will do better.

Wish me luck.